(Liam Gerner, Eric Lynn)

Hank and Tammy, man and wife, sixty nine years old
Living hand to mouth a Winnebago for their home
Too poor to retire and too old to employ
So they took to running cocaine for the Mexican cartel

Hank and Tammy harmless grannies in their old R.V.
Heading to Miami with a hundred pounds of methamphetamine

That endless stream of Grey Nomads was perfect camouflage
Their million dollar cargo drifted past like a mirage
No questions from the border guards, they just waved them through
Riding cross the country on their Winnebago mule

Were Hank and Tammy, harmless grannies in their old R.V.
Heading to Miami with a hundred pounds of methamphetamine

All they ever dreamed of was to retire on a Florida beach
They’d leave their life of crime behind them after this
Being poor is the reward for living by the rules
There was nothing left for them to do but Winnebago mule

So Hank and Tammy took to muling in their old RV
And headed to Miami with their illicit retirement scheme

As they drove through Texas they crashed in Anuhuac
Smashed into the fence of the local judge’s ranch
The judge came out to help them and he did just that
He picked up their sacks of cocaine and handcuffed them to the rack

Hank and Tammy harmless grannies in their old R.V.
Were taken to the courthouse, Judge Wilborn gave them twenty years each

And now they are forever retired to the penitentiary
Yeah now they are forever retired to the penitentiary
Hank and Tammy